Loranys Gellantara

It didn't get me I'm afraid. Just the whole idea. ~ Loz

I'd have to agree with Suzanne. I read the first verse and it just went down hill from there. Definately needs punctuation. Keep writing ~ Loz

This is good! I don't know if it was intentional or not but I would try not to use ryhme too much (first verse). Keep writing! ~ Loz

I thought that you repeating the things was more like a song and not a poem. It was defintely good otherwise that. Maybe with a bit of editing it can ...

Well I thought it was well set out and that the poem was better without punctuation and capitilization (except where you put it of course). It was beautiful. I hope ...

I think for starters that not repeating the sentences would help; to me it sounded more like a song than a poem. It was well done otherwise. Keep writing! ~ ...

Well I disagree with Sureal. It's definately well done for a first try. I liked it though I think that after some advice that it could be better. Keep writing! ...

This is interesting. It gets your view across but I do think that you should work on it a bit more. Keep writing ~ Loz

This was very short and got the message across. I do think that you could make it longer.

It definately is the 'same old story', I like the way you put it but it needs more feeling. It needs to be longer and more constructive. I like how ...

No offence but this is one of the worst poems I have ever read. It can be worded more constructively but I do like the feeling that you put into ...

I liked it. Though it did repeat a lot of things. I liked how you talked about what the person is like and not what they look. Good job! Keep ...

OMG! I'm actually critting something!!! (But then again this is Alice we're talking about so yeah. It's an Exception) Anyways. Alice I think that it could definately be worked on ...

I agree. Actually I had no idea why I posted this or even why I did it. I look at it now and it doesn't even make sense to me, ...

Thanks Brad. You're right. I'll keep that in mind for next time. Loz